Come with me

come and see

Let us flee

let us run free

Stand by my side

no need to hide

We can slip and slide

and slide where we ride

Searching for something I lack

there’s no time to slack

Where we are has turned black

once we escape; never look back

I feel like I’m finally starting to get better

However,

better is still not good.

Stuck here, lonely as can be

Even though you sit so near to me

Days like this I wish you would just leave me alone

Can’t you read my body language? The way my face is cold as stone?

We have drifted so very far apart

I’m not even sure how this conversation should start

Your touch is foreign, too heavy on my neck

Who are you anymore? I turn around, just to check

A stranger staring back at me, no love left in your eyes

Today will be the end for us; today we meet our demise

Your fingers intertwine with my hair

rustling it all up, tugging, twirling it in your fingers; breathing heavy but softly so that no one will hear; whispering sweet nothings about dreams and fears and things that keep you up at night, whispering so softly into my ear, I open my eyes and

Your deep brown eyes twinkling like a rain puddle

after an early spring storm stare directly into the pit of my heart; making me feel foreign emotions that are so fresh but grow more intense with every passing second; how many seconds has it been? time ceases to exist when we are like this; like this and then we kiss and

Your lips brush mine ever so softly

but their brief encounter leaves me breathless and begging for more, breathless and begging, consume me with all of your being and teach me how to let go, escape this worn out world and wander into a wonderland where there is no you or I or he or she but only a we; and we laugh with heads thrown back, without holding back, nothing lacks; and we fly, frenzy, and float and then dance that dance that lovers do and

Your arms pull me close and beg me not leave

I beg you not to leave because our bodies fit so very comfortably; we lay so very comfortably in silence with our heartbeats in tune; thump-thump-thumping at the same rhythm we sail away into a blissful state of nothingness, an oasis far out, hidden among the ocean blue; and that nothingness is my favorite state because everything is nothing and nothing is everything when I’m with you

Sitting here thinking about the happy times

Flash back to memories when we were in our prime

It’s not the words or the time or the clothing I remember

It’s the feeling of you holding me tight, so alive in the dead of December

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmingly inadequate; like nothing I do is every enough to get a nod of approval from those I am seeking it from.

And sometimes I just lay in my bed and think of all the mistakes I’ve made, the people I’ve let down, and the things I’ve forgotten to do; hitting me all at once, I move from pillow to pillow, attempting to escape the screaming voices of my regrets.

Will I ever truly escape them though? Those around me easily forgive my most treacherous sins but that does not mean that my guilt allows me to do the same for myself. They haunt every waking hour; filling my mind with never-ending jabber of past actions that I will never be able to change.

Change; just change yourself. That’s what people say: “that’s what will make you happy”

But what if you’ve contemplated all your options, exhausted all your resources, destroyed yourself in the hopes that the ashes would rise back again someday and form a better person; a person unlike the one they originally held together with fragile tendons and beaten down bones. What then? What do you do when you’ve tried every which way to “choose happiness” and yet it is still not a viable emotion for you to genuinely feel?

Breathing heavy, early morning. Light bearing in. Your brown eyes, staring into mine. You look like you want to say something but you remain silent; for once in my life I feel like I am the one not in control of a relationship and it is terrifying. Say those words and calm my fears. Say those words I’m dying to hear, whisper them into my ear in the dim lighting of this messy room and make me believe that they are real.

Missing you but I don’t know why

After all, you were just another guy

Started with an attraction to your charm

I’m really not sure why that didn’t set off an alarm

Comfortable silence was my favorite part

Laying so close to you; listening to your heart

Your heart, which you confessed was all mind

How did I not realize that was no more than a line?

Who knows? Maybe at the time it was sincere

But now, these memories provoke no love, just tears

The worst part is that when I mentioned trouble you just stared

The makes me wonder if you ever really cared

Missing you but I don’t know why

After all, you really are just another shitty guy